I'm writing this post for me as much as for anyone. In order to be more self-sufficient I have realized that I need to become a better wife. I have already taken one of these steps, but I still have more to go.
1. Get married to a MAN. Not a guy you can boss around, but a man who knows what he wants and is not lazy. As I said in my last post mine had a list of requirements for his future wife: I had to stay home with the children, I had to homeschool the children, and I had to be willing to be married to a pastor (this may never happen, but I was willing). We also agreed that we did not care how many children we had, God would be in charge of that and also we were the same religion which is HUGE. We're both Orthodox, he converted later in life and was much more zealous than me, another good thing. If you're already married to who you married, follow the next steps regardless. You'll be amazed how manyly someone can be just by treating him the right way.
2. Respect your man. This is still a difficult thing for me. I realized early in our marriage that I was the "go getter" when it came to projects in the yard, or building things in the house. I scorned him for not doing his share, yet I never gave him the chance. I acted like I liked doing it by myself and usually I did, but I didn't respect him because he did none of it. I chose to forget that he has a very good job, is a very good father and does not watch sports every night and weekends, but I resented the time he would relax and I never felt that I could sit down without feeling guilty. In the last year we have come to an agreement. I was not allowed to just "go off" and do what ever projects I wanted to on our house or property with out his knowledge or help, etc. I had to discuss these things with him ahead of time, I could not "surprise" him with homemade milking stands that won't hold up over 5 months. This is still hard for me, but at the moment he's outside in the freezing wind putting a new latch on our shed door that we have needed for a while. Me stepping back and letting him lead is a huge deal and puts us both back in our proper places.
3. Make time for your man. Men don't need much but us women certainly don't just like to give them what they want...at least I don't.
a. Men like to be thanked. They do something, you say "thank you!" and give them a kiss. I just read something this January in a popular women's magazine that I would NEVER be caught dead with...BUT it said that even if he runs to the store to get milk for the both of you and it benefits him as well as you, it benefits YOU and you should say thank you! Duh! But this opened my eyes further to the pain he can be in from my putting him down and not showing him any thanks especially on the things I think he should do anyway, still I can manage a thank you.
b. Feed him! My husband works at home and I have never been consistent about making lunch for him as I'm very busy with kids, facebook, blogs, etc. He sees what I'm doing during the day and he knows that I choose not to make the effort and it does pain him. When I do remember or make the effort he's very glad, why oh why am I so lame?!
c. Yes, you guessed it..."you know what" with him. I married a talker and someone who expresses his thoughts, usually when he's upset. They don't have many needs, but it's our job to provide them, they should not even think about looking elsewhere, but that's up to us. I chose to marry this man, it's my job to be sure he stays satisfied. I have noticed his libido has slowed since he's rounding the 40 bend, but he still needs time in the evening to be in our room with our time away from the kids weather we're talking about our next project or watching a dumb show online.
I realize that my husband is different from some other men and perhaps some are even simpler than mine. But I have seen a pattern. The men that don't seem to want to spend that time with their wife is usually when the wife is clearly a nag. Be nice to your man and he will love you. Be nice, be nice, be nice!!!!
Country Jane, lame wife